Thursday, September 29, 2011

a journey toward good enough

I am a mom, not a homemaker. 

There, I've said it out loud. So many women I know take pride in their title of homemaker. I chafe under it. As I struggle to stay ahead of the chaos in our house, I often think in frustration "I didn't quit my job for this." And I didn't. I was a child development expert, fresh out of graduate school, in love with public policy and child advocacy, making a difference in the lives of thousands of children through my work. But then there were these two children who are more important to me than any work could be - my children...who are so beautiful, so wonderfully made that I gave up my professional work to pour myself into them. 

I did not leave my work so I could clean bathrooms. Or do laundry.

And still, having three people, two cats, and a dog in a house all day does mean that said house gets messy, and dirty, very quickly. Over the last 2 years of staying home with my girls, I have struggled with the balance of maintaining a functioning home (homemaking) and living out the reason I am in the house in the first place - to spend this time with my children who are growing up so quickly. 

Out of this struggle, this blog was born. I have used it to write schedules, routines, and to do lists. I have used it to vent about the dirty kitchen and the crayoned walls and my inability to make any type of dough. Then today, I deleted all of those posts. They do not reflect my journey to good enough. They reflect my frustration with not having found that elusive place yet. 

Domestic Disarray is now newly redesigned and ready for me to share honestly and openly about the journey I am on. As others join me on this journey, I hope that this blog can be a place of hope and encouragement where we can find that we are already good enough.